Sometimes as I have gone through my mission I have had times where I definitely knew what path I was on and where I was going and what I was
suppose to be doing. Those moments I am sure for every person are the
ones we love most because we feel like we know how the rest of our life
will turn out and that things are just going our way.
But then
we come to a place in the road where we have to make a big decision
and it seems that there are two big paths, sometimes there even feels
like there are more choices. Prayerfully trying to decide what path is
best to take and sometimes we head off in the direction we have felt
was the correct way, and then we come to a dead end. When we come to
that dead end it is really hard to not have the feelings of anger and
abandonment.
We cannot help but think that God put us on this
path to see us fail. But have we ever thought that perhaps he has put us
on that path so we can know for a surety that the other path is the sure
path, and the correct path.
But sometimes we get stuck in
the idea that we were just sent down the wrong path. that we were just
"deceived" by deity and that our trust has been broken. It can be very
difficult to overcome these thoughts. It will dwell inside and pick away
at the inside of us with a grudge that will never be confronted because
it starts with you. You are the only one who can end it.
God
loves us and sometimes he loves us so much he sends us in a direction
that will let us know the other path is really the path that is the one
we need to be on. He doesn't want us wasting time on the wrong side. He
wants us to progress forward just as we want to progress forward.
Sometimes the fastest way to find out is the most painful route.
My
entire mission I have had to work with doctors to try and find out the
best way to keep me healthy. There has never been a lasting cure. There
is no real cure because all we can do in this life is to treat for the
side effects. We may never know what is going on in life. We may never
get sure answers, because perhaps we are not to understand, and perhaps
it is His fastest way of telling us we are looking in the wrong
direction.
I have been working on a lot of self reflection. Trying to think about all of the different things that I face every day,
and how I react to them and how they have an impact on my life. I
realized that no matter how much I want to be in control of things, I am
never really in control. The more I give my will and thoughts and
desires to the Lord the more my life has direction and understanding,
even if the understanding isn't what I wanted. It was what I needed.
I
love all of you and hope that you can think about the paths that you
are on and the paths that you have been on and think of how God has had
his hand in the entire thing.
-Sister Cindy Call
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